At the end of the day...
I’m usually exhausted. No one told me how draining being a stay-at-home mom would truly be. And to be frank, when we decided that I’d stay home once Campbell was born, I thought I would have it easy. All day to do whatever I wanted with some baby snuggles in between naptimes and laundry while watching my favorite show.
Now, don’t get my wrong. I do whatever I want most days because that is the luxury of getting to be home all the time. But it’s definitely not easy.
It’s not easy to not have a plan for your day. It’s not easy to have all the temptation in the world to take a nap when the baby naps instead of get house chores done or start on dinner. It’s not easy when your baby won’t stop crying all day or won’t nap when she’s supposed to. It’s not easy when you have all the time in the world to do those things on your to-do list, yet all the time in the world slips by as you do other things not on the list.
I’m not complaining. I am so thankful I don’t have to sit at a desk from 8am-5pm anymore. It would kill me to not spend these precious days with Campbell. Truly. But it’s not easy.
The misconception that being a stay-at-home mom is easy is just ridiculous. I can’t even believe I thought that originally. I envied those on Instagram showing how organized and blissful their days were at home with their littles. I wanted to have those moments with my daughter. And as my story unfolded, I realized that God wanted me home too. But not for the organized, blissful moments. Because honestly, those are far and few between.
He wanted me home to get my attention.
I have so much time to myself. Minus the little tot who follows me everywhere. I’m alone most days with her and have every minute to think to myself. And in that time, God has really done some work. It’s like now that I don’t have work to distract me and only so many tv shows to watch and a baby that is good 98% of the time, He’s like, “Okay girl. Let’s talk.”
At the end of the day, I’m exhausted, hungry, usually not showered, and typically still in my pjs. It’s rough, guys. I’m in this interesting season where I know God is doing major work in me but at the same time I’m in a rut. Does that even make sense? It seems normally that when God is doing something cool in my heart, I’m at a very high place spiritually. But this time, I’m just exhausted. I’ve been managing a lot on my own merit, we have some family things going on (good, but surprising), and my time with God has looked a lot like passing prayers, quick glimpses into the Word, and casual conversations with friends at church.
However, I sense that God is still working. Regardless of my efforts (which are few and far between most days), God is still working in me. He’s still making me new.
And I don’t know why this hit me all the sudden today. I think as I’m sitting here at the end of another day, I’m realizing that I’m not exhausted just because of today’s tasks. I’m exhausted because God is building up and tearing down a lot within my soul, and I’m finally understanding what He’s doing. And man, I need a TON of work done.
I read this verse today that’s stuck with me as I word vomit my thoughts to you, oh faithful Internet readers.
“Let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 9:24
Regardless of my day… at the end of it, my only boast can be in Christ. Not in how much laundry I got done, how well dinner is prepared, or even whether Campbell napped well or not. My days can’t depend on what happens during them. If I’m exhausted at the end of the day, it shouldn’t be because I worked and worked and worked until I came to the end of myself. I should be exhausted because I worked for the Lord. I did what He wanted me to accomplish, and I did it joyfully. I don’t want to be tired because of my circumstances.
I want to be tired because God used me to the fullest that day. My will was surrendered to His. Nothing else will satisfy like a day spent in communion with Jesus.
How are you at the end of the day? Exhausted? Irritated? Empty?
Take that to Him right now and ask that He give you a new view of your day tomorrow. Ask Him to help you see your day through His eyes. That you encounter Him throughout the day and that He would make it clear how you should spend your moments at work, at home, or wherever you are. Within His arms is steadfast love, justice, and righteous. He delights in you and desires to work within you every single day. Regardless of your job. Regardless of your circumstances.
At the end of the day… He just wants you. Exactly as you are. Ready to face the day with Him.